|
| I just want to lose weight and be happy! Why does it have to be so hard!? I've been eating sooo much better than I used to! I even joined weight watchers! I got my throid checked but nothing! I just want to lose weight and be happy. So why does that seem impossible? I'm at a loss. | | |
| I am depressed. Not the oh poor me depressed. But the I have thought about suicide depressed. Why? Because nothing, other than my job, is going right for me. I'm too fat, and because I'm fat, I am lonely because let's face it, we live in a shallow world. Funny thing is that, even though I sit here and complain that I can't get a guy because they are shallow, I really have no room to speak.
I have a food addiction. I don't want to eat the way I do, but I can't say no. It's so freaking frustrating to not be able to pass a place and say no, I'll go home and cook something healthy. I have the freaking resources! But I have no will power. I've gained 7 lbs in the last month.
It's draining me. This wanting to lose weight, wanting to win the fight over food. Wanting to just be happy. But I'm a failure. I don't even really want to go out anymore because if I don't want to even look at myself why would someone else!?
I don't want to go through life anymore fighting. I just want to be healthy and happy. I want to have energy to get up and do things. I want to eat healthy but why can't I!?
And I'm not using this food addiction as an excuse. It is a real problem that I struggle with every single fucking day. I wake up thinking about food, after breakfast I wonder what I'm going to be eating next and when I'm going to be eating next. Then after eating I feel guilty and disgusted with myself. It affects my life and I don't like it!
I need help.
I'm done.
| | |
| Funny how when things are going good something has to come along to fuck it up.
I think I'm going to disappear for a while. "Sometimes you just have to run away to see who will follow"
I'm done.
| | |
| Life is good!
I recently just started a new job! I got an awesome nanny gig! I nanny for a fantastic family and it's so close to where I live! a 12 min commute in the morning is awesome! But waking up so early isn't! The days get long but it's ok cos the kids are awesome, as are the parents!
I have decided, with my newly retained salary, to hire someone to help me lose weight. It's gonna be hard though. I have to give up my alcohol and Panda.  But, it's only gonna be for like what, 6 months to a year? Not the rest of my life. It's gonna be helpful because I will actually have someone to answer to! And since I'm spending money on it and really want to get skinny I think it will be a little easier to do it. I'm just so sick of being fat, the grenade, the funny friend. I'm ready to be the skinny bitch (haha like I could ever be a bitch). bottom line, I'm ready to get healthy.
So yeah, life is good!
I'm done.
| | |
| I'm over him. He's pathetic and a worthless piece of crap. There is this other guy though. Haha. He goes to the gym I go to. We have never spoken. We have made eye contact though. haha. If only I was self confident enough to say hi. A simple hi. It seems so simple. But for some of us, it's not that easy. Going to the gym has been awesome. I love going every night after work and then on Saturdays. I let myself rest on Sunday. I like to think I can see results but I dunno. I know I've lost 10 lbs though! But that was when I was depressed for those two weeks and didn't eat anything at all. Now that I'm eating again, I fear I'm gonna gain it all back even though I don't eat nearly as much as I use to. I don't even snack anymore, and I've cut out all pop. I just want this weight to come off. I hate that it takes so little time to gain but it takes forever to lose it. ugh. But I'm not gonna give up. My friend wants to hook me up with this guy. I'm going to have lunch with him and her next week. I've seen a picture of him. He is cute. We shall see how it goes. I still have no computer. I'm using the one at work. It kinda sucks not having one. I feel like my netflix is going to waste becuase I use to watch so many movies online! Now I can't do that! ugh. I hope I get this new job so I can afford one! I applied for a nanny job. It seemed like they liked me...I hope I hear back from them soon either way! Fingers crossed. I need this. Mainly because of money problems. We got paid two weeks ago and I was in the negative four days after we got paid. I can't remember the last time I went out just for the hell of it. I miss that. I feel like an old person because I don't do anything. Mainly because I can't afford to do anything. I even had to pay for my gas in change yesterday. And I need to buy new pants but I can't afford those. Ugh. I might not be able to go home for Christmas either because I can't afford gas. It sucks being poor. Fingers crossed I get this new job. I'm done. | | |
|
